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Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches...
Apparently someone out there doesn't want me to get back to what I wanted to write here. Which was about how I am trying to deal with my past to figure out where these 'problems' with 'weight issues' came about. It is also where I am going to explain some of the 'issues' I had growing up and being seen the way I was. Not for my intelligence or anything like that but for my 'weight'.
Today the hubby and I had a delivery coming. He went on his way to work and I waited. This is usually not such a big deal. I'm usually at home anyways. The only problem was that the delivery people gave me a window of 12pm until 3pm. I waited some more and at about 2:55pm I get a call that they are on their way and will be here in 'about 15 or so'. Not a big deal when you aren't doing anything.
It is a big deal when you have just come home from a trip the afternoon before and still have not filled the grocery stocks. This meant that I was waiting until they did the delivery to even think about lunch. I figured that they would be here at the latest 1:30pm. Big mistake on my part. I knew it wasn't going to take them more than 30 minutes. Then I would just walk somewhere to get lunch. Also, not a big deal. I like to walk. The heat we are having makes it a bit more difficult but still, I walk.
They came and went and it was about 3:30pm. I wasn't feeling too hot so I decided to putz around on my computer. Told the hubby that the item was in and that it was better than we were expecting. Then by the time I was done putzing it was after 4. It was beginning to become 'if you don't eat you will have a massive headache, can't you already feel it coming on?' territory. I logged off and went off to have a very late lunch.
I had a very nice sandwich and drink at a nearby cafe. Then I decided to walk the rest of the way to the grocery store and get a few items. Mainly stuff for me to have lunches here. I walked around the grocery store and decided to wait on things. The items I wanted were, in my opinion, too expensive for their own good. After this I went to the drug store next to the grocery store to get something to stop the itching of the mosquito bites I received from the lovely mosquitos that decided I was good enough for lunch on our mini-vacation.
None of this was all that bad mind you. The bad part of the whole ordeal? Walking home and being on the side walk next to a main road and getting yelled at from cars. The first one yelled "Moooooo". I did nothing and walked on. The second one yelled, "Fat ass!". Again I did nothing and walked on. Unfortunately the rest of the way home I was telling myself that they knew nothing about me and was trying to stop myself from crying. This is why I've had so much trouble.
Being ridiculed for just being me. Teased and told negative things. I've taken way too much to heart over the years I have been on this earth. After a while you start to believe the negative things you hear. It really isn't that easy to get over. I'm really trying but more negatives against the positives isn't helping.
If you've read this far, thank you. I hope that if you are getting these negatives that you know that you are better than that. I will write again soon. Off to find something so I stop thinking about those people that flung the negatives at me today.
Today the hubby and I had a delivery coming. He went on his way to work and I waited. This is usually not such a big deal. I'm usually at home anyways. The only problem was that the delivery people gave me a window of 12pm until 3pm. I waited some more and at about 2:55pm I get a call that they are on their way and will be here in 'about 15 or so'. Not a big deal when you aren't doing anything.
It is a big deal when you have just come home from a trip the afternoon before and still have not filled the grocery stocks. This meant that I was waiting until they did the delivery to even think about lunch. I figured that they would be here at the latest 1:30pm. Big mistake on my part. I knew it wasn't going to take them more than 30 minutes. Then I would just walk somewhere to get lunch. Also, not a big deal. I like to walk. The heat we are having makes it a bit more difficult but still, I walk.
They came and went and it was about 3:30pm. I wasn't feeling too hot so I decided to putz around on my computer. Told the hubby that the item was in and that it was better than we were expecting. Then by the time I was done putzing it was after 4. It was beginning to become 'if you don't eat you will have a massive headache, can't you already feel it coming on?' territory. I logged off and went off to have a very late lunch.
I had a very nice sandwich and drink at a nearby cafe. Then I decided to walk the rest of the way to the grocery store and get a few items. Mainly stuff for me to have lunches here. I walked around the grocery store and decided to wait on things. The items I wanted were, in my opinion, too expensive for their own good. After this I went to the drug store next to the grocery store to get something to stop the itching of the mosquito bites I received from the lovely mosquitos that decided I was good enough for lunch on our mini-vacation.
None of this was all that bad mind you. The bad part of the whole ordeal? Walking home and being on the side walk next to a main road and getting yelled at from cars. The first one yelled "Moooooo". I did nothing and walked on. The second one yelled, "Fat ass!". Again I did nothing and walked on. Unfortunately the rest of the way home I was telling myself that they knew nothing about me and was trying to stop myself from crying. This is why I've had so much trouble.
Being ridiculed for just being me. Teased and told negative things. I've taken way too much to heart over the years I have been on this earth. After a while you start to believe the negative things you hear. It really isn't that easy to get over. I'm really trying but more negatives against the positives isn't helping.
If you've read this far, thank you. I hope that if you are getting these negatives that you know that you are better than that. I will write again soon. Off to find something so I stop thinking about those people that flung the negatives at me today.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Before going back to our regularly scheduled blog...
Sorry I haven't updated like I said I was going to. Mr routhefledermaus and I are off on a mini vacation. It's always nice to go out on vacation with the mister.
Today I was thinking a bit about my past. I know that sometimes I need to just leave the past in the past but there are also times when I need to think about it so I can leave it behind. Today I realized while on a walk with a friend that I tend to use self deprecating humor as a shield. If someone says something about my weight I tend to make a joke. I need to learn to stop that. I need to learn that if someone says, "Hey, you're fat" that I can say, "And? Your point is?" and leave it at that. Not that easy though. Years of being put down and things like that have made it hard for me to get over that.
I also need to not get upset with myself that I can't get over it right away. It took years of being put down to get to where I am it will take some time to not let it bother me any more. That is okay though. Time for me to take charge and stop the body loathing and learn that it is okay to love myself. If someone doesn't like it that is their problem.
I will try to get back to the stories I have to tell and the weight 'issues' when I return. Thanks for reading.
Today I was thinking a bit about my past. I know that sometimes I need to just leave the past in the past but there are also times when I need to think about it so I can leave it behind. Today I realized while on a walk with a friend that I tend to use self deprecating humor as a shield. If someone says something about my weight I tend to make a joke. I need to learn to stop that. I need to learn that if someone says, "Hey, you're fat" that I can say, "And? Your point is?" and leave it at that. Not that easy though. Years of being put down and things like that have made it hard for me to get over that.
I also need to not get upset with myself that I can't get over it right away. It took years of being put down to get to where I am it will take some time to not let it bother me any more. That is okay though. Time for me to take charge and stop the body loathing and learn that it is okay to love myself. If someone doesn't like it that is their problem.
I will try to get back to the stories I have to tell and the weight 'issues' when I return. Thanks for reading.
Monday, June 20, 2011
To be honest...
I have still been having the brain dump problems. I don't know why I can't have my brain work in chronological or linear order. It tends to go off into tangents.
One of the main reasons I started this blog is because of a bad experience with a doctor. She belittled me due to not losing any weight between appointments. I will do an in depth post about this appointment at a later date.
I honestly think that doctors or any one else should not belittle you for being who you are. I'm fat. I've gotten to the point that if someone doesn't like it that is on them. Yes, I am trying to be healthy. That doesn't mean my size has anything to do with it. If you are seeing this blog I am sure you have seen others that point out exactly this fact and back it up. I will probably also say why size (any size) does not equal being healthy or not being healthy. There is no magic way you can look at someone and know someones health. There are many people that think they can, but they are wrong.
I hope that you, my dear readers, will continue to read my posts. I know it isn't easy to be different from what society deems normal but, my dear readers, I hope that you know that I am one person that thinks everyone is beautiful due to their differences from the 'norm'. Keep being you
One of the main reasons I started this blog is because of a bad experience with a doctor. She belittled me due to not losing any weight between appointments. I will do an in depth post about this appointment at a later date.
I honestly think that doctors or any one else should not belittle you for being who you are. I'm fat. I've gotten to the point that if someone doesn't like it that is on them. Yes, I am trying to be healthy. That doesn't mean my size has anything to do with it. If you are seeing this blog I am sure you have seen others that point out exactly this fact and back it up. I will probably also say why size (any size) does not equal being healthy or not being healthy. There is no magic way you can look at someone and know someones health. There are many people that think they can, but they are wrong.
I hope that you, my dear readers, will continue to read my posts. I know it isn't easy to be different from what society deems normal but, my dear readers, I hope that you know that I am one person that thinks everyone is beautiful due to their differences from the 'norm'. Keep being you
Saturday, June 18, 2011
A little bit of a set back... kind of...
I have been trying to write my next post, dear readers. I am having a problem however. Instead of the concise posts that have a point my brain seems to be dumping everything all at once. I would like to chronologically or partly chronologically tell you how I have come to the point in my life that I am at. How the body shaming, self loathing and suchlike came about. How the food 'issues' I have started. Instead I go to write about one thing and end up with walls of text that are disjointed and a big mess. Please bare with me while I try to get it together to write this out. I will get a 'real post' up in a few days. Thank you all for understanding.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Please bare with me....
As this is a new blog I am going to be playing with the title of it and the background layout. Hopefully it won't take me too long to finally flesh it out.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for understanding.
First post....
I don't do well with coming up with blog titles so I am using the painfully obvious "First post..."
I decided to start this blog as a way to talk about the weight struggles I have gone through most of my life. I had another journal but felt a bit censored with what I wrote there. I feel this will give me a bit more freedom to speak my mind.
Full disclosure here - I have been overweight most of my life. I remember the first time I was called chubby was in pre-school. It has been a daily 'struggle' since I tried to fit into societal norms. I have been on so many 'diets' that I can't even count them any more. I've come to that point in my life where I am trying to be happier in my own skin. This sometimes is derailed by comments or perceived comments about myself. I do not think weight is really an 'issue' or a 'problem' I feel that people thinking it is an 'issue' or a 'problem' are just that 'issues and problems'.
So, welcome to my blog. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
I decided to start this blog as a way to talk about the weight struggles I have gone through most of my life. I had another journal but felt a bit censored with what I wrote there. I feel this will give me a bit more freedom to speak my mind.
Full disclosure here - I have been overweight most of my life. I remember the first time I was called chubby was in pre-school. It has been a daily 'struggle' since I tried to fit into societal norms. I have been on so many 'diets' that I can't even count them any more. I've come to that point in my life where I am trying to be happier in my own skin. This sometimes is derailed by comments or perceived comments about myself. I do not think weight is really an 'issue' or a 'problem' I feel that people thinking it is an 'issue' or a 'problem' are just that 'issues and problems'.
So, welcome to my blog. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
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